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For centuries, there has only been one sport that everyone has loved and still loves with extreme passion and dedication. Every night, famlies across America are glued to their televisions watching the great sport of baseball, anxiously wondering what simple play can change the course of the game. This extraordinarily fast paced game is often considered to be America’s favorite past-time, and there is not a soul that will argue with that truthful statement. In the 2015 MLB season, a new concept was introduced in an effort to shorten the duration of a game. A 20-second pitch clock was placed in various parts of ballparks to inform the pitcher of how much time he was allowed in-between pitches. In a recent statement, the commissioner of baseball released new concepts for the upcoming 2018 season. First of all, the MLB will place two additional timers in ballparks across America. The second placed timer will keep track of minutes between innings, and the third timer will count the hours of game-watching that the fans will never get back as they inch closer to death. While approaching the batters box, hitters may only adjust themselves accordingly at this time. Once the player has entered the batters box, he may only touch himself to fight off a swarm of insects, or to release a very cliché baseball phrase such as “we want a pitcher, not a belly itcher.” Another issue that was recognized by the commissioner, were outrageously long at-bats. In response to this problem, a batter must now be required to keep both feet in the batters box at all times until the end of his at-bat. The batter may not leave the box under and circumstance whatsoever, including a wild pitch, a lightning strike, or catching on fire. If an at-bat lasts longer than two hours, he may then be provided water and snacks, but he must consume them with both feet still in the box. In the event of an apparent death of a batter while he is in the batters box, he may be removed, but only removed head first. In the event of an at-bat where the pitcher hits ten consecutive foul balls, he may then be awarded first base. The team in the field will then be allowed a five minute period to attempt to get first base back from the runner. If the team in the field fails to do so, the batters team will then win the game. Batters are not the only ones the commissioner thought of when making these rules also. Pitchers will not only be limited by a 20-second timer, but they are limited to picking up the rosin bag only fifteen time now. Licking their fingers and absolutely going to town on their caps however, are of no restriction whatsoever. If a pitcher fails to abide by these rules, he will then immediately be ejected from the game and must pay a fine using money he must work for as a cotton-candy vendor during the duration of the game. Baseball has always been known for having managers that will argue with an umpire about anything such as bad calls, or even what they think the weather will do that night. In an effort to speed this process up, managers will no longer be able to charge the field to challenge a call. Instead, a robot with angry faces painted on them will roll onto the field to confront umpires with demonic beeping noises and flashing lights. These robots will have a specific timer programmed to where they will return to the dugout in exactly two minutes. In other aspects of the game, many minor changes will be made that will significantly reduce the length of games. For instance, the six-note organ riff that is followed by fans screaming “charge!” will be scaled-down to four, and the Alvin and The Chipmunks’ version of “We Will Rock You” will be permitted at Major League Ballparks. The lyrics of “Take Me Out to the Ball Game” will now be “Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jacks- At a reasonable hour I’d like to get back.” That will be the end of the song for those are the only lyrics. In conclusion to these new changes, the commissioner introduced the most significant concept that will change baseball forever. If a game reaches the end of the thirteenth-inning with a tie, a group of twenty home-team and visiting team’s fans will receive swords and then proceed in a fight-to-the-death battle. Whatever team has the last man standing, will then win the game.